What's my Relationship with Anger?

Its funny because I was setting up this blog entry I was checking my Instagram page and saw a post from a fellow makeup artist and its a joke that all artist that work for the same company as myself  would only understand but it immediately made me angry thinking about the reason for the post and how it will trigger all the artist I tagged it to. Strangely I am sitting here realizing maybe my anger isn't as much in check as I would like it to be when it comes to certain aspects of my life as I would like. I know over the last 10 years I tend to get angry very easily compared to my turning point in 2004 which is when I never used to show anger prior to that year.

In order for me to explain where the change happened I would have to go back to my childhood. Most of my life I never showed anger because I was never encouraged to, I was always told by my mom to keep your "Mouth shut" and I don't necessarily think she meant it in the way I interpreted as a child when I was chastised for being bad or in the wrong. I think I took it as I don't have the power as a child to express my opinion about my feelings. So for years I bottled all my anger and never said anything, especially when my father died in a work related car accident... I shut down all emotions from the age of 11-23. It caused me to alter the way I thought of my appearance and who I was as a person in this world. Honestly the only time I released any emotions was through performance and my creative outlets. Which is why I think I fell so passionately in love with the entertainment industry as a whole. I was able to take myself out of the equation and become someone else or create a character that lived out my anger or happiness without me actually having to live out the experience of the results from it myself. 

It wasn't until I went to talk with someone about my hidden anger because I almost caused myself to be released from work due to high blood pressure from built up stress. When I finally released all my years of anger, stress, concerns, and even happiness that I was holding back from the world and especially myself... I finally became who I am still working on today. And strangely while I said at the beginning of this post that I get angry easily in certain areas of my life... I'm glad that I do because I now know how to address them head on and turn them around into a way of art and laughter or positive results instead of harboring it. I'm a happier person for getting angry, and knowing how to let it go. May not happen right away all the time depending on the situation, but it does get handled responsibly.