Surprising Yourself!

Surprising Myself!

SeÁnne December 2014 vs. SeÁnne May 2015

If I had to compare myself from the beginning of the semester to now I would have to say that I have discovered a lot about myself that this semester has revealed to me. 

• I'm really disappointed that I didn't do better by my college career as a film student and transfer to a school that had more of an in-depth film program and I'm paying for it now by having to do outside of school what I feel I am paying LSU to do as far as helping me prepare for a switch from a film makeup artist to a Producer and Creator. But at the same time grateful I took Capstone where I was able to discover this personal truth. This class has helped me more than any class I have ever taken at this University, so if all I walk away with is knowing this class helped stir up a lot of anger I have towards myself for not going after the programs I really wanted when I took all those years off and settling to come back here because it was safe then I'm cool with that because it helped me take more responsibility for the choices I made. I can only grow from here and hopefully one day be the reason another young female wants to attend LSU film program because I will have brought something to this campus in the future that makes it one of the top in Louisiana... which it should have been in the first place. So basically my experience here makes me add another goal to my career goals. Maybe that was apart of God's secret plan for me going here in the first place. 
• This semester I have also learned to stop being so scared to go after my dreams and opportunities when they are presented to me out of fear of loosing security. What I mean by that is, at the beginning of the semester I passed up a LOT of great opportunities to work on major film and tv projects because I was afraid of getting lower grades because I was missing classes and/or work. By the end of this semester I realized... What does it matter if I get a C instead of an A because if I'm doing something to further my dreams then why would I let something a little as a grade or my JOB (not my passion) stop me?! So now, when opportunity knocks... I answer! What's the worst that can happen? I loose the job I hate, and gain my dream job...I think I'll take the risk because if it's meant for me then I can't keep fighting it!

SeÁnne 2000 (Freshman Year) vs. SeÁnne 2015 (Senior Year)

WOW! I am honestly 90% a different woman than I was then when I first started at LSU. As a freshman, I was so excited to be out of my mothers house and be able to eat Pizza Hut everyday and go to the club every Thursday! I always had more than one job, but I didn't have any real direction on where I wanted my career to go except that I wanted to work in entertainment, but no clue in what way. I was so naive when it came to people's intentions towards me and saw good in EVERYONE! I did a lot of volunteering my time and energy to helping others especially those who didn't deserve it! I trusted a lot of the wrong females I considered friends and mad excuses for every guy I dated and treated wrong. I was HORRIBLE with money and time management! NOW... I see fake people a mile away, could care less how many friends I have (strangely I still have a LOT of real friends however, LOL) , but the ones I do have know not to test me because I will confront them right away and let them go! I still have more than one source of income, but they are all in the entertainment industry. I still like pizza but I only eat it once every few months, and I can't stand going to the club anymore unless its for networking purposes. I don't trust anyone until they prove themselves to be worth giving a chance of trust, which also means I show my true colors when meeting people now instead of putting on a fake smile... I give the real me, nice or professional I don't put on fronts to impress. I am realizing who I am and I'm not afraid of someone excepting that, and because of that I'm a lot happier and tend to have a positive reaction from it. No that doesn't mean I walk in a room and judge or frown when not happy, but if I'm asked my opinion... I say it, respectfully. I am much better with finances, but still fixing my past mistakes...almost debit free though (2 years, besides Sallie Mae!). I think the biggest thing that has changed from 2000-Present as far as my college career is I appreciate being able to still achieve my degree despite needing it to succeed in my career. For some reason I am excited to get that piece of paper... that I will place in a frame and throw darts at once I'm done, LOL! But at least I will have it!

SeÁnne Now vs. SeÁnne Now

I think the biggest thing I have discovered is that it's ok to not KNOW! What I mean by that is for most of my life I have stressed about having the dream career, the big house, nice car with 2.5 kids and the man of my dreams. Now I realize that you may not ever obtain the "American Dream" in the conventional sense, and that's ok. I see plenty of my friends who graduated on time, got the dream job, married the "Right Guy", have the kids and all that, and they are MISERABLE! Not because their life isn't great, on paper, but because they realized they never really lived and discovered if they could have had an alternate route and still ended up happy. Me, I have literally lived some of my dreams and some of my nightmares and I'm still here, still living. I now am starting to except life as it comes but still taking chances. In the end all I want is to tell all these stories in my head, and be happy while doing it. I don't know if I'll actually ever walk down the isle to the man of my dreams or live in sin with him forever. Will we have kids of our own or decide to invest our knowledge and love into our nieces and nephews, or adopt?! Will I ever move back to Los Angeles or find a way to be happy in Louisiana or Atlanta, Dallas or NYC...who knows? But I realize that I'm no longer afraid of those possibilities. I do know that with all these uncertainties, my faith has become and continuing to get stronger everyday! And I think that's because I have to trust and believe that God or whatever spiritual being that created us, has a purpose for me and it's bigger than what I can see. I just know I'm not giving up until he says my journey is over...and that's not for a very long time, I'm just getting started and for that I'm excited!

"Get rid of it, PLEASE!"

Get rid of it,  please!

I'm so excited to write my views on this topic because I have a discussion about this very subject at least once a week with some of my friends. I am probably one of the biggest watchers of movies and television : Good ones, bad ones, funny, strange, etc. And my favorite thing to do is to write my commentary on them to either encourage people to go see it or to save them $12! Ok so let me begin with my most disliked type of films and tv shows...

1) The Ignorant Ghetto mentality Black films:

Some of you may not know what I mean by this because it's probably only understood amongst the Black community, but I can pretty much say 90% of Tyler Perry movies would sum this up! You know the movies where there is this "Big Momma" figure who talks loud and carries a gun while walking around threatening all the neighborhood thugs and taken in everybody's unwanted children! Oh! And lets not forget the big cookout that the arrogant drunk Uncle who flirts with all his 2nd cousins or his family members "Fine Friends"! And of course there has to be a huge fight between two jealous sisters or brothers because one has more money than the other and doesn't go broke taking care of the HOOD, so everyone is mad at them for being financially stable! Everyone in the movie is either Loud, a drug dealer, just getting out of jail, has 3 baby daddies or mommas, etc. And then at the end of course everyone is all happy and love each other again because someone put on that old school classic song by  Stevie Wonder or The Electric Slide which brings everyone knows black people are only happy and get along when dancing is involved!... PLEASE!!!! Now don't get me wrong of course the themes come from some real truths to the black culture, BUT it's no where near on that level portrayed in most black films and I'm sick of it! No wonder other cultures and races think of us in a weird light, the way we are represented in the media and on film and tv makes me embarrased. And what's really sad is that it is mostly being produced and promoted by blacks ourselves which is the most disgusting thing of all in my opinion! If I could get rid of the Tyler Perry's of the entertainment world I would! What happened to shows that were a lot more accurate to the life myself and many of the African Americans I know experienced? Shows and movies like "The Cosby Show", "Fresh Prince", "Girlfriends"? Don't get me wrong I love some of the movies based out the "Hood" and the Black Love experience, but the realistic ones like, "Love Jones", "Poetic Justice", "Love and Basketball" ,"Boys in the Hood" or " New Jack City" because they were REAL... those stories were about the struggle to get out of the hood and the trials most African American males really face on a daily basis and the message in the films are legitimate and really mad positive effects in the black community, but some of the crap coming out today is just disgraceful!

2) Wedding Movies

In almost every single movie about a Wedding there is always someone trying to ruin the big day because they are in love with the either the Bride or the groom...WHY?! That's a really bad message to send out into the world that Americans can't have a peaceful marriage because someone is always waiting to prove their undying love! What worries me about that is that how can someone still be so madly in love with someone else's fiancee unless the person getting married was secretly cheating with the person that's chasing them! This to me is such a ridiculous plot line because this just does not happen that often in real life! How do I know?... Because my ex fiancee got married 1 year after we broke up but he was still dating me and I knew NOTHING of the woman he married until a week prior to the wedding! His family didn't know either and we were all shocked, but do you think I went to that court house on a white horse pleding my undying love for the man I dated for 7 years? Hell no! I sent him and his new wife a gift that I paid for with his credit card and kept it moving!...They are now divorced! Ha! So these movies are just dumb to me. 

3) Reality Tv... that's really scripted!

Basically anything with the title "The Real Housewives of..." or "Love and Hip-Hop...", in fact 80% of television today is reality based LIES! We might as well just watch the "Young and the Restless" for all the fluff we get on primetime tv! I don't think I really need to explain why I'm disappointed in shows like these, they speak poorly of themselves and the cast is usually a bunch of has been celebrities or people who never made as an actor or failed to be the next Michael Jackson so this is the next best thing! It's quite sad for the most part but at the same time the people watching it (including myself sometimes because society and social media are bullies and make me, or I'm bored LOL), are looking for a reason to either laugh at the foolishness or live vicariously through the stars of the show. Now I must admit I love documentary based shows like, "Catfish", "NightWatch", "First 48", etc. I really believe those to be real! LOL 

In the end, maybe all my opinions are biased based on my personal experiences or life choices. but I really believe the content of most film and television has gone to hell! I just feel its all going to be fake and unrealistic then it might as all be animated or sci-fi...which is my favorite genre anyway because its the world of fantasy. As far as what LSU has done or is doing to change or add to the problem?... Well I can't answer that question until maybe next season shows. Because as of right now and my experience over the years, I've mostly seen the same boring, repeat of productions that continue to lack real content that would be interesting to anyone outside of the LSU theatre department and anything race related continues to have blacks one degree removed from being fresh off the slave ship. So until I see how they handle the upcoming season, which I am actually excited to see all of the shows (never felt that before), I can't say what they are doing to change but I think they realize it's time. 

Restoration

Restoration

I may sound a little weird with what I'm about to say is my idea of an "Artist Date" but funny enough what sparks my creative side is...people watching! I have always used "People watching" as a way of creating characters and plot lines. I can get ideas from any location I'm in but for the most part I go to the most random places for research, like grocery stores or WALMART! I get a lot of my comedy stories from Walmart because how could you not see the comedy that walks around there, LOL! When I want my romantic stories I tend to go to parks and the movies because the idea of dates or chance meetings happens in those places. But the place I frequent the most is the mall and bookstores, the story concepts are limitless. 

Besides "People watching" I love to do creative child like things such as coloring books or decorate old things in my house with some kind of sparkle or color. I also find that cleaning my house and rearranging furniture really makes me think creatively. But I just love listening to other peoples life stories because it gives me insight to the human psyche, and what makes them tick. Watching and hearing real life happen right in front of me is like watching live film... or theatre. 

So on my Spring break, even though I barely had one with all the school projects and the commercial I booked ( which I'm very grateful for), I have taken a little time to do what sparks my creativity. I will probably have more fun with it this weekend for the French Quarter Fest, because all the normal and not so normal people come out for a the festivities. I look forward to recording and writing new concepts. Oh! One other thing I love to do is sit outside at night and look up into space and imagine what other planets are like and if there is life out there, is there someone just like me who doing the same thing I'm doing or if in some alternate universe the things I dream to do or write are actually being done on another planet...and then I write about that!

P.S. Yes I know I'm weird, but isn't that a requirement for all true artist? LOL