Advice to the future artist

Advice to the Future Artist

I think I'll take a different approach to this open letter than I would if this were to any other profession. I've taken some real time to think about this topic and I think I have finally come to a conclusion on my thoughts about going to College as an artist. In my overall 15 year experience of trying to complete my degree I have really come to the conclusion that as an artist of any kind, especially in this day and age of social media and Internet...school is not a necessary requirement to make it! I know that sounds strange coming from someone who just said they have been trying to graduate for 15 years, but in my opinion its true. Well at least let me say in the sense of a 4 year degree school is not a required way to make it, and for sure not graduate school unless your planning to become a teacher of some sort and even then it may not be required. I look at the people in the industry that I look up to career wise, business wise and lifestyle wise and honestly I think one of them has a degree and they are some of the top players in the industry for the last 20+ years! When I listen to the stories of those I look up to like: Steven Spielberg, Tim Burton, Shonda Rhimes and even Beyonce (not a major fan of hers, but on a business level she's amazing) I listen to what they say really pushed them to where they are now and...it's the work! Never have I heard one of them say it was that class I took in college that made my career. Now I have heard from some of my personal friends who are in the industry that have pretty good careers that what helped them in college was the connections they made, but never a class. In fact most of the actors I know, are still taking classes after college and most of the students in their classes don't have degrees and many without a High School diploma. However, they are in the same auditions and sometimes they lose a role to those who never stepped foot on a college campus. So I guess the question your thinking to ask me is why do I continue to fight for a degree I know has cost me literally thousands of dollars including loans and many sacrificed major opportunities? Well my answer is I don't believe in giving up, and strangely enough I just want to know I did something like the rest of the world and my family doesn't have many degrees. So basically I'm doing it for my ancestors, my parents, my niece who may want a job that has nothing to do with the entertainment world, for my future kids to not have an excuse to at least experience college and maybe even for those who may read this. Your still young and may not truly know what you want to be in life, so what if you do want to be a teacher and help cultivate the next Beyonce or Steven Spielburg...you will need a degree! But if your dream is to be a star and/or create your own films, etc. then honestly a degree isn't required. BUT, that doesn't mean you won't have to have some form of training and take classes or pay someone with the experience to train you! But there are programs out there that you can get on the job training that could possibly take you further in your career than a degree ever could. The one thing I can say that is no different whether you are achieving a degree or a career goal, is the hard work and discipline you must have in order to get to your goals. So I say there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting a degree, but do it because you want one for whatever reason even if it's just to know you could achieve it. But as an artist there is NO RULE that says it's required and that you won't achieve your dreams without it because even after the degree you still have to fight to get that role or to book that directing gig and having a certain University on your resume may only get you the interview but it is your talent and hard work that will get you the job! 

Self-worth/ Image

Self- Worth/ Image

This is a great question to ask myself because honestly I'm very confused on my self-worth and image right now. I'm having the hardest time getting me together. I feel like everything going on in my life right now is to please other people. I'm struggling to finish school, because I feel like my family expects me to be that one more step in the right direction for the younger family members and to live out the dreams they didn't complete. I'm staying at a job I'm growing to hate and resent just to keep myself afloat, pay off the last bit of debit from my 20's, until I finish school, and to have a roof over my head, LOL! I just feel like my life right now belongs to my family, M.A.C (my job), LSU, Sallie Mae, and the government. So with that feeling how can one feel as though they have any self-worth, when until the day I graduate, pay off my car note at the end of this year, so that I can quit my job and have more of a safety net financially to go back full force into the film industry... my life and who I am right now belongs to everyone else honestly. Now I know all of this is a choice I am making, but am I really? Or was it instilled in me at a young age to live for everyone else until you pay them back? Image wise I hear from everyone around me just how proud they are of me for waking up everyday at 4:30am to drive to Baton Rouge 5 days a week to go to school, and still working a full time job in New Orleans 5 days a week and still having clients to maintain. My friends and family think I'm superwoman...but all I want to do is scream and cry because I feel like I'm failing at everything!!!! So my image of myself right now isn't too great, and it sucks I feel that way because my common sense tells me that when I make it through this I'm going to be stronger and so much more ahead of the game, I just don't feel it right now. So I put myself on the back burner, I lack sleep to study...well try to study at least, I sit through 3-4 hours of traffic everyday just to still make to work late sometimes, I barely eat because I feel bad spending money I could use towards bills. Honestly if my boyfriend (who is the biggest support system I have right now) wasn't around to try to keep me sane, I probably would have tried to sneak more hours in at work to make more money that I'm missing out on by not doing film right now. Overall I know I should be proud of the sacrifices and struggle I'm going through right now but my image of myself isn't on that level and honestly I just feel behind and don't feel I deserve to put myself first until I graduate. 

Bugs in the Software

Bugs in the Software

This is a weird subject to discuss for me because I believe I have so many bugs that need to be rewired especially when it comes to money. Growing up I was always taught that money is the most important thing to have in order to survive. And no this wasn't something that my parents physically told me per say but more like what I was shown over the years. All I ever heard from family members  growing up was about all the financial issues they had growing up in the south and how you need make sure you have a savings, don't have kids before getting married and owning a home, etc. The funny thing about the advice and examples I was given is that all the people around me had not followed their own advice for the most part. My grandmother on my moms side had 3 jobs until she was in her 60's as a maid for White families and always told us (her grandkids), that she worked that hard so her kids would ever have to work as hard. For her this was just one generational step up from the slave life her mother lived. Now mind you my grandmother was half indian/ black (her mother) and half white/ black (her father, who's father was a slave owner). So my mom and her siblings were forced to work hard at NOT being stereotypical slave mentality African Americans. However what this did was teach those before me is when you come into money...Live it up! So while they were telling us to save your money and prepare for a better future, I watched when members of my family received large amounts of money go out and get all the things they couldn't afford prior to. So I picked up on some of the same bad habits, I was a hard worker and at times kept 2 jobs while in school or sat out to work in order to make more money but I wasn't saving a dime! Not to mention when I first moved to Los Angeles at 20, I got credit cards and shopped most of my trust fund away with in 1 year. Once my bad habits caught up with me and I did want to make the proper changes I couldn't really save anything because I was so in debit that I was only working to pay things off. Well needless to say after of years of working to fix my mistakes I went to the extreme and began believing that I didn't deserve to do anything but work my life away. So I would pay off bills as I could and put saving away and never do anything to entertain myself or have some sort of relief from the stresses of working all the time. It got so bad that my doctor removed me from work because I almost caused myself to have a stroke at the age of 27. It was then that I realized I needed to make some major changes and relax more and continue to save but also have fun and live life. For a few years this worked but now I feel myself getting back to that I have to work to survive mind state again because past mistakes are trying to haunt me again through the fact that someone stole my identity and has caused me to have to pay things back that I never even did. So now I'm in the process of trying not to let this get to me and hopefully not leave school again in order to work 2 full time jobs in order to fix this situation. Even though I know I didn't do anything, I still don't like my name being in bad standing so I feel the need to fix it because according to what I was shown growing up, if you have a negative finacial history then you aren't considered a hard working American and must prove society wrong by fixing it just so you can live the life of leisure...which can sometimes create a repeating cycle. So I almost have a complex of your damned if you do and your damned if you don't!

Short and Sweet

If I had to think about the best time I ever experienced synchronicity I would have to say it was when I met my current boyfriend. For the second half of last year I decided that in 2015 I was going to meet my husband. I began praying everyday, posting pictures of Wedding rings, dream homes, and putting it out in the universe that no man should ask me on a date or anything if they had no intentions on looking for a wife. Before I gave my number out or even entertained any guy, I asked what their 5 year plan was, LOL! The closer it got to the new year I cut out going places that were all about casual dating and started talking more with my married or engaged friends including my sister and her husband along with all their circle of only married or committed relationship couples. I remember on New Years eve I was at dinner with 2 close friends of mine and I was telling them how I was ready to get married or at least start building my relationship with the man I was to marry. So at 12am New Years day I prayed and asked God to either bring the man I am to marry into my life or let me be at peace with being alone for a few more years until He felt it was time. Well strangely enough, 3 days later I decided to go to my brother in laws birthday dinner and stay the whole time even though I knew I ran the risk of being the only single person there. But I wasn't, a friend of my brother in laws walked in and honestly I think it was love at 1st sight! I started acting like a little girl and sneaking pictures of him on my phone. Not to mention I made him sit in front of me because we were the only singles there. Well as we got to talking I discovered we had meet many times but I had never paid attention to him simply because he was my brothers friend. Well because he thought it was funny I didn't remember him he shook my hand and introduced himself to me again and then... my life with him flashed before my eyes! I knew at that moment I had met my husband and I instantly wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. I wanted to laugh because this man had been around and right under my nose for almost 8 years! Come to find out later that night after we all wrapped up the birthday events, he admitted to me after asking for my number, that he has had a crush on me for years. And, that when he saw me earlier that night, his life with me flashed before his eyes too and that he had too also prayed on New Years eve for God to reveal his wife to him. I would have thought he was lying at first, but I had never told him my prayers or what I experienced when we met earlier that night yet. The next night on our 1st official date we decided to become a couple and have been together ever since and all of our family and close friends couldn't be happier for us. Mainly my mom and sister because they had been telling me for years to go on a date with him, but I just never noticed him. So i can say this was my moment of synchronicity because I literally put it out there, prayed and within days... God sent me the man I know I'm going to marry and spend the rest of my life with!

Past, Present, and Future

Past, Present and Future

I would like to think I'm going through a "Kriya" experience right now to be honest. I have been with the same company for almost 10 years and I am extremely close to quitting again for a second time. First time was after 5 years, this time may be only after 2 years back full time. The reason I feel it may be time to quit is because lately I get very angry that I have to go to work. So much to the point that over the last two weeks my eye starts twitch when I walk into the building. I have called out twice within the last 3 weeks due to beyond horrible migraines and flu like symptoms. All I want to do while at work is sleep and eat sweets...I don't really like sweets! So lately I've been doing a lot of research on internships in the field I want to go into because I feel more and more each day that if I don't get out soon I'm going to go crazy on either a customer or a co-worker. 

As far as my 80 year old self... I would probably be a funny old lady! I can see myself with long gray hair, maybe dreads, and always in some kind snazzy outfit with a hat. But I can see me running my own companies and always having my grandkids. If I could sit down with my current self, I would probably tell myself to take more risk when it came to my career and stop being a chicken! Also I would tell myself to do better with my fiancees and invest in the stock market. I would probably also tell myself to do a lot more volunteer work with youth wanting to go into the entertainment field. 

Now my 8 year old self would probably yell at me because I'm not as creative and artistically outgoing as I was at that age. I used to practice singing for hours a day and now I barely sing unless it's in the car or I'm alone in my house. I used to sing for anyone and now I am afraid to show my vocal skills to anyone...unless intoxicated, LOL! I would also make my own magazines and sell them to my friends for a quarter! Strangely enough I've always been a business minded and wanted to work in the entertainment industry now that I think about it. So my 8 year old self would probably remind me to have fun and remember to use all my talents and be proud of them.