Bugs in the Software

Bugs in the Software

This is a weird subject to discuss for me because I believe I have so many bugs that need to be rewired especially when it comes to money. Growing up I was always taught that money is the most important thing to have in order to survive. And no this wasn't something that my parents physically told me per say but more like what I was shown over the years. All I ever heard from family members  growing up was about all the financial issues they had growing up in the south and how you need make sure you have a savings, don't have kids before getting married and owning a home, etc. The funny thing about the advice and examples I was given is that all the people around me had not followed their own advice for the most part. My grandmother on my moms side had 3 jobs until she was in her 60's as a maid for White families and always told us (her grandkids), that she worked that hard so her kids would ever have to work as hard. For her this was just one generational step up from the slave life her mother lived. Now mind you my grandmother was half indian/ black (her mother) and half white/ black (her father, who's father was a slave owner). So my mom and her siblings were forced to work hard at NOT being stereotypical slave mentality African Americans. However what this did was teach those before me is when you come into money...Live it up! So while they were telling us to save your money and prepare for a better future, I watched when members of my family received large amounts of money go out and get all the things they couldn't afford prior to. So I picked up on some of the same bad habits, I was a hard worker and at times kept 2 jobs while in school or sat out to work in order to make more money but I wasn't saving a dime! Not to mention when I first moved to Los Angeles at 20, I got credit cards and shopped most of my trust fund away with in 1 year. Once my bad habits caught up with me and I did want to make the proper changes I couldn't really save anything because I was so in debit that I was only working to pay things off. Well needless to say after of years of working to fix my mistakes I went to the extreme and began believing that I didn't deserve to do anything but work my life away. So I would pay off bills as I could and put saving away and never do anything to entertain myself or have some sort of relief from the stresses of working all the time. It got so bad that my doctor removed me from work because I almost caused myself to have a stroke at the age of 27. It was then that I realized I needed to make some major changes and relax more and continue to save but also have fun and live life. For a few years this worked but now I feel myself getting back to that I have to work to survive mind state again because past mistakes are trying to haunt me again through the fact that someone stole my identity and has caused me to have to pay things back that I never even did. So now I'm in the process of trying not to let this get to me and hopefully not leave school again in order to work 2 full time jobs in order to fix this situation. Even though I know I didn't do anything, I still don't like my name being in bad standing so I feel the need to fix it because according to what I was shown growing up, if you have a negative finacial history then you aren't considered a hard working American and must prove society wrong by fixing it just so you can live the life of leisure...which can sometimes create a repeating cycle. So I almost have a complex of your damned if you do and your damned if you don't!