Surprising Yourself!

Surprising Myself!

SeÁnne December 2014 vs. SeÁnne May 2015

If I had to compare myself from the beginning of the semester to now I would have to say that I have discovered a lot about myself that this semester has revealed to me. 

• I'm really disappointed that I didn't do better by my college career as a film student and transfer to a school that had more of an in-depth film program and I'm paying for it now by having to do outside of school what I feel I am paying LSU to do as far as helping me prepare for a switch from a film makeup artist to a Producer and Creator. But at the same time grateful I took Capstone where I was able to discover this personal truth. This class has helped me more than any class I have ever taken at this University, so if all I walk away with is knowing this class helped stir up a lot of anger I have towards myself for not going after the programs I really wanted when I took all those years off and settling to come back here because it was safe then I'm cool with that because it helped me take more responsibility for the choices I made. I can only grow from here and hopefully one day be the reason another young female wants to attend LSU film program because I will have brought something to this campus in the future that makes it one of the top in Louisiana... which it should have been in the first place. So basically my experience here makes me add another goal to my career goals. Maybe that was apart of God's secret plan for me going here in the first place. 
• This semester I have also learned to stop being so scared to go after my dreams and opportunities when they are presented to me out of fear of loosing security. What I mean by that is, at the beginning of the semester I passed up a LOT of great opportunities to work on major film and tv projects because I was afraid of getting lower grades because I was missing classes and/or work. By the end of this semester I realized... What does it matter if I get a C instead of an A because if I'm doing something to further my dreams then why would I let something a little as a grade or my JOB (not my passion) stop me?! So now, when opportunity knocks... I answer! What's the worst that can happen? I loose the job I hate, and gain my dream job...I think I'll take the risk because if it's meant for me then I can't keep fighting it!

SeÁnne 2000 (Freshman Year) vs. SeÁnne 2015 (Senior Year)

WOW! I am honestly 90% a different woman than I was then when I first started at LSU. As a freshman, I was so excited to be out of my mothers house and be able to eat Pizza Hut everyday and go to the club every Thursday! I always had more than one job, but I didn't have any real direction on where I wanted my career to go except that I wanted to work in entertainment, but no clue in what way. I was so naive when it came to people's intentions towards me and saw good in EVERYONE! I did a lot of volunteering my time and energy to helping others especially those who didn't deserve it! I trusted a lot of the wrong females I considered friends and mad excuses for every guy I dated and treated wrong. I was HORRIBLE with money and time management! NOW... I see fake people a mile away, could care less how many friends I have (strangely I still have a LOT of real friends however, LOL) , but the ones I do have know not to test me because I will confront them right away and let them go! I still have more than one source of income, but they are all in the entertainment industry. I still like pizza but I only eat it once every few months, and I can't stand going to the club anymore unless its for networking purposes. I don't trust anyone until they prove themselves to be worth giving a chance of trust, which also means I show my true colors when meeting people now instead of putting on a fake smile... I give the real me, nice or professional I don't put on fronts to impress. I am realizing who I am and I'm not afraid of someone excepting that, and because of that I'm a lot happier and tend to have a positive reaction from it. No that doesn't mean I walk in a room and judge or frown when not happy, but if I'm asked my opinion... I say it, respectfully. I am much better with finances, but still fixing my past mistakes...almost debit free though (2 years, besides Sallie Mae!). I think the biggest thing that has changed from 2000-Present as far as my college career is I appreciate being able to still achieve my degree despite needing it to succeed in my career. For some reason I am excited to get that piece of paper... that I will place in a frame and throw darts at once I'm done, LOL! But at least I will have it!

SeÁnne Now vs. SeÁnne Now

I think the biggest thing I have discovered is that it's ok to not KNOW! What I mean by that is for most of my life I have stressed about having the dream career, the big house, nice car with 2.5 kids and the man of my dreams. Now I realize that you may not ever obtain the "American Dream" in the conventional sense, and that's ok. I see plenty of my friends who graduated on time, got the dream job, married the "Right Guy", have the kids and all that, and they are MISERABLE! Not because their life isn't great, on paper, but because they realized they never really lived and discovered if they could have had an alternate route and still ended up happy. Me, I have literally lived some of my dreams and some of my nightmares and I'm still here, still living. I now am starting to except life as it comes but still taking chances. In the end all I want is to tell all these stories in my head, and be happy while doing it. I don't know if I'll actually ever walk down the isle to the man of my dreams or live in sin with him forever. Will we have kids of our own or decide to invest our knowledge and love into our nieces and nephews, or adopt?! Will I ever move back to Los Angeles or find a way to be happy in Louisiana or Atlanta, Dallas or NYC...who knows? But I realize that I'm no longer afraid of those possibilities. I do know that with all these uncertainties, my faith has become and continuing to get stronger everyday! And I think that's because I have to trust and believe that God or whatever spiritual being that created us, has a purpose for me and it's bigger than what I can see. I just know I'm not giving up until he says my journey is over...and that's not for a very long time, I'm just getting started and for that I'm excited!